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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
status uploading