Daily Silly Status

Which wine goes best with more wine?

I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?

Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?

I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!

I like people... From a distance.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.

If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.

I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.

Smile. Your enemies hate it.

Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.

If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.

Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.

I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.

It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”

I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..