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The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.