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Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
heyy lol
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?