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At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.