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“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.