Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.