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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.