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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.