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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!