Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Valentines day
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up