Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.