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Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!