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Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.