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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Good for you, people that do things.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.