Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!