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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Match dot com, but for socks.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
It’s a status….not your diary…
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.