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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.