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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.