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Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.