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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards