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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
This patience thing takes forever.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.