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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets