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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.