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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
My sleep number is 100 proof.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.