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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.