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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.