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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Iām late for a disappointment.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.