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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.