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For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with