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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!