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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
The secret to success is in my bra.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Iām sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.