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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Very little scares me. So does very big.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.