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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.