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You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."