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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.