Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
Take my advice, Iām not going to use it.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!