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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.