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The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..