Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...