Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!