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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch