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condoms prevent minivans
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.