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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.