Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(