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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2