Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!