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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.