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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers