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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.