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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?