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Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.