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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw