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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
Youth is wasted on the young.